Gaycuriosity

Can I ask you something?” “OK then, spit it out if you must.” He took a serious look and said to me: “I do not say this to hurt you by any means but why do not you free yourself labeling yourself as a bisexual? I think you are a gay.”

I was not confused about my sexual orientation. My sexuality was part of my personality and he said he loved me who I was. What did he think he was in love with – a fantasy character created inside his own little head? He went down with the oldest misunderstandings there was about bi people. I knew my sexual orientation since I was five years old. It’s clear like a dog knowing even he has a fur like a cat he was not a cat.

I had a quite good idea of my real issues and traumas and I had overcome those years ago in my personal life and some therapy. I had seen many people being completely f..ked up with the confusion of who they were sexually and I had a clear understanding I was not one of them.

I was born as a bisexual man which meant my sexual orientation referred to romantic, sexual and emotional attraction to both sexes. It was as simple as that. It was not something I decided to become or some kind of a label I wanted to take.

I also had a right to determine who I was and not to be judged by the other people. Why was it so hard for either gay or straight people to understand that I refused to choose something that wasn´t there for me to choose for at the first place?

I tried to explain this as clearly as possible to him saying “If I would put on women´s clothes and make up it would not make me transsexual or a woman”-  even whowhatsoever wanted to believe so. Being bisexual was not a phase that lasted most of my life. I was not on denial of my 
true gayness or straightness or confused of anything.

Sexual bicuriousity and people who thought it was trendy to call themselves bi´s made the real bisexuals suffer and look like they were really only suffering of promiscuity of gays or straights. This monosexist concept of world left gays and straight people finally off each other’s throats going against bisexuals telling them what they really were was some form of pansexual tribe.

I could only think one label he was about to get from now on and that was bihopia. In my dictionary that was an attitude that was based on negative bisexual stereotypes or even bisexual erasure. Funny intricacy in my mind, living now in Athens, was that the origin of the word phobia came from the Greek word phóvos meaning fear.

Every one of us had an understanding who we were as a sexual creatures if there was not a trauma or illness which prevented us seeing who we really were. Every one of us has also a right to express our feelings. I understood it for the very next week when I got a present from him. It was a t-shirt that said: I’m not gay but my boyfriend is.