Birealist, bicurious or biphobic?

Here is a quick bisexual check-list:

1. Bisexuality is not just a phase.
2. Bisexuals are not confused when they find peace with their sexual orientation.
3. Bisexuality is not a combination of heterosexuality, homosexuality or anything else.
4. Bisexuals do not have to be equally attracted to men, women and transsexuals.
5. Bisexuals can love one partner and be faithful.
6. Bisexuals can be in a loving relationship.
7. not everyone can be a bisexual.

How many times do you agree with a statement?


Results:

• If you agree over six times, you are birealist.
• If you agree over four times, you are bicurious.
• If you agree under two times, you are biphopic.

Have a nice day - whatever is your score!

Do we really need gay bars?

The last ten years there has been a growing straight friendly “gay village” in Athens. Vibrant and funky Gazi (Γκάζι) is a neighborhood located next to Kerameikos metro station and close to the Acropolis. Everyone hangs around there but do we really need it? Discussion has two reversed sides, yes and no.

Those who are advocating gay areas and bars say that indeed we do need them. Until every LGBTQ person feels safe to be who they are with whom they choose to be, in every area of the town, we need places like Gazi. Being in the gay bar is seen to be more relaxing and fun than other average places, and it has a special kind of atmosphere you cannot find from any other place on town. People share information, get to know other tolerant people and unite while having fun with better awareness.

Then again, some people are still in the closet or exploring their sexuality and do not wish to be seen openly. There are bars for everything but for many people going out means meeting someone special. With a good luck an average bar can have about 10 % of their clients gay. Arguably, at the gay bar your percentage to succeed to share the same sexual orientation with the person you meet will raise a bit. 

Why some people are against that? They say that these areas and bars promote everything LGBTQ ideology and awareness is against. They are decreasing diversity, transparency and acceptance but increasing discrimination. Gay bars are not just fun and laughter; they are also places for homogeneous boredom where trends and gossips have all too huge meaning in a one little merry-go-round because of limited amount of people visiting them. 

More and more every day people and role models kick thier closet doors wide open and most of the people seem to become more tolerant for that. From that point of view these bars are outdated and even having opportunity to explore one’s sexuality does not necessarily require gay bars to do the trick anymore.

So, what do you say? Should there be more or less gay areas and bars in the future?

There is no (bi)sexuality

“I am not real, my sexual orientation is just a phase and I cheat whenever I find a possibility to do so. When I am in the opposite sex relationship I am gay and when I am in same sex relationship I am straight. Believing in bisexual identity is like betraying everyone around me. Not believing it makes me invisible and kills my basic needs and dreams. Same goes with all of the other people like me and celebrated historical persons in the world. They were lying about themselves to us. 

I have been told to be continuously confused for decades. Everyone is born sexual. I just could not make up my mind. I have been in a monogamous relationship for years now but that is just mocking real couples and love. I just want to f*ck everything that moves because I have to have sex with both genders simultaneously. I cannot help but spread sexually transmitted diseases with my sexual behavior. That is why it is okay to harass me without feeling guilty or shame. 

My way of living an adult life is a public prey on a daily basis of other people and media even never knowing me or asking a single question about my everyday life. If I could only understand all of this, admit being mentally ill and stop labeling myself, it would be better for all of us. It would not be so uncomfortable to be my colleague, acquaintance, friend or lover.” 

I have had only one question on my mind all of these years. How it would change the world if you could walk a day in my shoes? 

               Discriminating is wrong. 

                Refuse to be a victim.

Breathtaking views

This is one of the best sides of breathtaking Greece.
A beautiful mountain view and it is only a couple of hours from Athens.

Bisexual future from the past

“World population is moving towards a bisexual future”. One of the Europe´s most respected scientist, outspoken man and Nobel Prize nominee Dr. Umberto Veronesi raised some serious discussions few years ago with this statement. He cited scientific fact that the vitality of male reproductive cells has gone down by half since 1940s and raised up the discussion about endless new possibilities of artificial fertilization.

What will happen when the male-female intercourse will be more or less disconnected from reproduction of human life? Sex will not disappear but sexual intercourse would lose its reproductive function and our evolution will continue until the majority of people are bisexual according to Mr. Veronesi. 

In the future not only bisexual women are the fantasies of straight men. Bisexuality becomes even hotter and interesting orientation or behavior when the barriers of social and intergenerational relationships decrease. Meanwhile, the concept of family and domestic partnership evolve and idea of sexual freedom sees its full potential. 

One could add to Mr. Veronesi’s statement that history seems to repeat itself. It is not more than six centuries ago when bi- and heterosexuals did not raise that many eyebrows. That said, bisexuality of human kind is not only the future but also the past of all of us as loving human beings. As so many times before in human history we seem to invent a wheel again. What a pity. Instead of wasting our time we could have been doing so much more important things in life.

Monastiraki foundings

I found this from the archeological site near Monastiraki in the heart of Athens few days ago. Somehow I really liked it.

Bisexual love

Universally love has been unconditional and eternal truth over the history of mankind. It makes the world go around with its different sides. It has two faces: hurt and healing, agony and passion, strength and vulnerability with slavery and freedom. It is not just explained with genes, hormones and pupil dilations.

Ancient Greek recognizes and distinguishes different use of the word love. Usually agape (ἀγάπη) refers to what we think nowadays when we say “I love you”. It’s ideal, but not always physical emotion. Eros (ἔρως) is the more physical side of love with more sensual desire, longing and passion to other person or beauty.

Love can also occur as storge (στοργή), which is natural affection and care taking like parental love. Then again philoxenia (φιλοξενία) is Greeks world famous hospitality and sense of love to any human being, that can be repaid with nothing but gratitude of the guest.

Most interesting is philia (φιλία), the love of the mind. It means loyalty to friends, family and community, where one or both parties benefit from a virtue of the relationship. According to Modern Greek the word bisexual (Αμφιφυλόφιλος) means thereby “attracted to both genders”.

Okay, but where and what is love then? Love can be between two or more individuals and the depth of it is immeasurable. It is a journey inviting you to jump over the cliff or to see the first blossoming crocuses and snowdrops on the spring. It will stretch your heart and make it bigger while nothing takes the pain of shivering and wounded soul away better than a fraction of love. It is remarkable, magnificent, indispensable and beyond belief kind of experience.

Only loved person understands the bond of agape, eros, storge, philoxenia and philia. It requires a lot of courage and acceptance to share them to everyone to hold. We are all the same when it comes to basic needs in life. The need for love lies at the foundation of our existence even we love both genders or not.

Bye-sexual humor

When you grow older many of the old bi-jokes comes funnier because your enthusiasm for life, relationships and body functions will decrease. Then the problem with bisexuality is that you get twice as many chances to be rejected than other people. 

On the other hand when you have had sex with anyone what so ever – it is bye! Everyone just wishes they would be rich enough to develope as buy-sexuals by then. Even the old spouse of yours (if you ever get one) gets usually so addicted to shopping you start to suspect he or she might have gone buy-curious. 

Later on you start to see your old spouse more and more like a sex object. When you ask some sex, he or she will object. You do not have to panic. You become a bigger lover because you can practice a lot on your own. When you finally get to make some love there is three words you do not want to hear. They are “honey, I am home”.

There is also a lesson to be learned. We can all chill out, be a bit more sensitive and have fun together. By all means, when straight people warn you of the dangers of having bisex, there is a second important lesson to be learned. Do not have sex with those awful heterosexuals.

Many people are offended by humor and jokes and the others are not. Good humor is warm-hearted, witty, appropriate, innocent and funny when offensive jokes are mean, bitter, abusive and hurtful. It is about timing, how well you know the other person and why you want to make certain jokes. For example one humorous conversation between two friends of mine can be taken either way:

“Bisexuals are just so unfair and greedy! Why can’t you just pick a hole and stick with it? Soon I don’t have anything left to have sex with!” “Excuse me, but did you know that having sex twice a week does not mean you are also a bisexual like me?”

This is either funny or offensive. It depends on you.

Bye! ;p

Divine bisexuality

Is bisexuality an heavenly orientation only for few and the chosen ones? Well, at least from the beginning of the Fourth millennium BC various cultures, myths and folklore around the world has had recorded implications to various bisexual and same sex ideologies. Bisexuality and gender changes are no strange affairs in Aztec, Hindu, Navajo, Inuit, Christian or Hawaiian mythology – just to name a few.

The Scandinavian trickster god Loki was a son, father and transformed also as a woman to give a birth to a child, where as Ancient Greek gods were well known of their bisexuality. Even “The father of gods and men” Zeus drove his wife, Hera, into a rage with his love for a handsome prince Ganymede. The warrior Achilles fell in love with his brother in arms Patroclus, the oracular god Apollo had a beautiful nymph Daphne and a good-looking hero Hyacinth at the same time wrapped around his finger, you name it.

Although these are more or less myths, we know from the history books that while Alexander the Great was married with two different women he had a relationship with his general Hephaestion or how Dr. Fred Fritz Klein fought for the rights of the bisexuals for decades and finally developed The famous Klein Sexual Orientation Grid. At the same time we can find out from the evening news Finnish contemporary writer Sofi Oksanen or American actress Angelina Jolie defining themselves, amongst many other things, as bisexuals.

Is bisexuality therefore a divine form of sexuality? The way of living and conceiving world beyond gender based rules and limitations. Is it more holistic approach to essence of what really matters in life: love to all human beings? Well, all I know is this, there is nothing wrong of being bisexual and to love and empower yourself to be the divine person - who only you can be.

                                                                                      

Coupling

It always starts with: “You are so handsome and successful man you could have any woman you want”. Being some years now in a same sex relationship out of love, I have grown up to understand that we are treated differently than heterosexual couples. Still I have the same old answer to these people: “If you don’t believe in same sex relationship, don’t do it with someone with the same sex”.

The biggest threat to the tradition of heterosexual relationship has never been same sex couples; it has been relationship problems and a divorce in the marriage - regardless of it has been exclusive right for straight people forever. My long term relationship is obviously putting Dennis Rodman’s a holy nine days, Britney Spears´ 55 hours until-death-will-us-apart or Nicolas Cage’s three and a half month marriage on jeopardy. 

The only problem is that in Greece, after all of these years being together with my boyfriend, I´m legally nothing to him even I have all the same responsibilities than everybody else in the eyes of the society. That´s not the problem only in Greece, of course. It´s a "dinosaur" of the 21st century that have not died out yet.

At the end of the day, there is no difference if I am sitting in the coffee shop with a woman or with a man as my spouse. Are there not enough relationships between two adults pulled apart by traumas, other people, money and power? What about love between two adults? For example animal kingdom has been cool with these things for ages. Homosexual, bisexual and transgender behavior has never been unnatural to over 1 500 species in nature around us.

For me life is about living and being happy together and if some couple’s relationship is strong and healthy, why do they care other people having same basic rights and full legal protection in the society than they have. 

Maybe some straight couples are jealous or afraid that Andreas and Spiros could succeed in longer, better and stronger relationship than they can? For their comfort, same sex couples can break up also … and they will do the same good, bad and something between choices in their everyday life than anyone else.

Gaycuriosity

Can I ask you something?” “OK then, spit it out if you must.” He took a serious look and said to me: “I do not say this to hurt you by any means but why do not you free yourself labeling yourself as a bisexual? I think you are a gay.”

I was not confused about my sexual orientation. My sexuality was part of my personality and he said he loved me who I was. What did he think he was in love with – a fantasy character created inside his own little head? He went down with the oldest misunderstandings there was about bi people. I knew my sexual orientation since I was five years old. It’s clear like a dog knowing even he has a fur like a cat he was not a cat.

I had a quite good idea of my real issues and traumas and I had overcome those years ago in my personal life and some therapy. I had seen many people being completely f..ked up with the confusion of who they were sexually and I had a clear understanding I was not one of them.

I was born as a bisexual man which meant my sexual orientation referred to romantic, sexual and emotional attraction to both sexes. It was as simple as that. It was not something I decided to become or some kind of a label I wanted to take.

I also had a right to determine who I was and not to be judged by the other people. Why was it so hard for either gay or straight people to understand that I refused to choose something that wasn´t there for me to choose for at the first place?

I tried to explain this as clearly as possible to him saying “If I would put on women´s clothes and make up it would not make me transsexual or a woman”-  even whowhatsoever wanted to believe so. Being bisexual was not a phase that lasted most of my life. I was not on denial of my 
true gayness or straightness or confused of anything.

Sexual bicuriousity and people who thought it was trendy to call themselves bi´s made the real bisexuals suffer and look like they were really only suffering of promiscuity of gays or straights. This monosexist concept of world left gays and straight people finally off each other’s throats going against bisexuals telling them what they really were was some form of pansexual tribe.

I could only think one label he was about to get from now on and that was bihopia. In my dictionary that was an attitude that was based on negative bisexual stereotypes or even bisexual erasure. Funny intricacy in my mind, living now in Athens, was that the origin of the word phobia came from the Greek word phóvos meaning fear.

Every one of us had an understanding who we were as a sexual creatures if there was not a trauma or illness which prevented us seeing who we really were. Every one of us has also a right to express our feelings. I understood it for the very next week when I got a present from him. It was a t-shirt that said: I’m not gay but my boyfriend is.